


Started with a lie

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24853240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Janus's life of problems, his issues, his addiction, his everything -- it all started with a lie.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	Started with a lie

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill me if the title and summary sounded way better than the actual fic. I know.

Janus wasn't always a liar. It just.. happened.

He was somewhere around five, _god_ , so many things got fucked up when he was five. His parents started fighting. His friends were moving away or ignoring him. His favorite teacher changed schools and now taught at a middle school, though that didn't really contribute to his issues, it was still pretty fucked. Kindergarten (or was it preschool?) was absolute shit. The homework was shit. The kids at the recesses were shit. The teachers were shit. His parents are shit. The anxiety of life started to set in around that age, it was shit.

Everything was shit. So, to adapt, his attitude became shit. It was his only defense against everything. Against assholes who wanted to hurt him. Janus, after a few months of hurt and shock and confusion and so many wack ass emotions, began molding himself into this sarcastic and uncaring and cold bitch.

He remembers the first time he lied. Well, not the _actual_ first time, but the first lie that led him lying as if it was as simple as breathing. He slipped up a few times, as any child would. The first lie was to his dad. It was a very small, insufficient lie, but a lie nonetheless.

His dad had asked "how was school?" or something along those lines, and Janus responded with "it was fine." Of course, it wasn't fine, but he said it. He realized how much satisfaction he got from having his dad believe him. 

Yes, stupid, but it was one of the few remaining things he was proud of. Plus he'd always had wanted to be an actor. Janus liked to think of his lying as acting; each lie is a magnificent performance, carefully scripted, and his feedback was how good he'd lied or how convincing he was. It wasn't cruel, ruthless lies. It was acting, a performance.

A show. 

That day would drastically alter his entire future. Maybe, or maybe he made choices along the way that made himself the way he is now. He grew bored of the tame, small lies fairly quickly. Go big or go home. - ~~oh, what'd he take to go home.~~ He decided on big. 

Janus would go on that way, and by fourth grade, he was a compulsive liar. He could string people along, he could lie to principals, he could get out of anything, he knew how to cover his tracks. He's had years if practice already. 

He'd found himself unable to stop himself from being hysterical when he saw his peers' attempts at lying. It was so, so, awfully bad. They were like if a serial killer left a trail of bread crumbs for the police to find them, or straight up left his fucking DNA all over the damn crime scene. He'd almost felt bad for the poor students.

Jan considered giving them tips, like to not avoid eye contact, no stuttering (lest the situation calls for it, which is another thing; analyzing the situation and looking over the best and worst possible outcome) and such, but he didn't. They could learn on their own. 

Except that he often couldn't help but taunt and mock them after they'd gotten their ass's beat. His friends were extremely lucky to have Janus to fall back on when they needed a quick, on-the-spot way out. One of his favorite things to do was show off his abilities to his friends. They'd made this system, Jan would say or sign or insinuate in some how that it's 'showtime' and his friends would follow what he said, letting him take over most the time.

His school record was flawless, he had A's and was quiet, a perfect kid. Studying in fear of being hit or yelled at, never saying much for fear of getting yelled at, it had its perks. Not really, though, because if he could take it all back in exchange for a loving family, he would.

That combined with his amazing acting ability nearly guaranteed him to get out of anything. He'd lied to a cop once, bitches can't scare him when he's performing. He'd lied to the _entire_ staff, he truly loved acting. He'd lied to his classmates, they all turned their backs in each other. That was another pastime that gave him that little bit of serotonin -- creating ruckus and chaos and get people to fight. Sometimes he started drama with his friends just because he was bored, but he never let the argument get to actual fury and screaming and he feels like he's back at his house, he's gonna get hit, not safe, not safe, leave, _run!_ \- he never let it get like that. Just the foul comments and hateful glares and tame shit like that. It entertained him.

Putting those aside, he lied a lot. It was second nature. He was conditioned to lie. He had so many unexplored problems, and he can't be assed to deal with any of it. Maybe he would one day, but as of now? He'll just take out everything on his skin, and maybe he'll end up in the loony bin a couple times before he even considers unearthing his unresolved issues (which he couldn't do anyway until he got away from his parents, fuck them, by the way). Maybe he'll spilt his thighs open, die, and never get around to processing the shit wrong with him. Only time will tell, he guesses. 

Well, if he has time left. He could full well die tonight. It's up to his thoughts and impulsivity to decide. All he can do is hope he'll make it through this relapse just as he's done for every other one.

Or hope he doesn't. 

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all know the drill by now (his name- yeah not gonna do that..) uh. Vent fic. Ig. I might not post or be active, like, at all, but.. probably.. not dead? Idk.
> 
> Did you like this? Tell me what to improve. =}


End file.
